The Wilder Gifts of the Spirit

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I don't have long to post, but I thought I would update that we had a reunion for YALPer's online. We will continue to meet up every couple of months and share how we have been progressing since our immersion course at Woodbrooke. It was good to see others dealing with both the up's and the down's of life. It helped me feel less alone in my heart broken state. It really did. 

"I Hate U I Love U" (feat. Olivia O'Brien) [Olivia O'Brien:] Feeling used But I'm still missing you And I can't see the end of this Just wanna feel your kiss Against my lips And now all this time Is passing by But I still can't seem to tell you why It hurts me every time I see you Realize how much I need you [Olivia O'Brien:] I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you You want her, you need her And I'll never be her [Gnash:] I miss you when I can't sleep Or right after coffee Or right when I can't eat I miss you in my front seat Still got sand in my sweaters From nights we don't remember Do you miss me like I miss you? Fucked around and got attached to you Friends can break your heart too, And I'm always tired but never of you If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit I put this reel out, but you wouldn...

"Just Like A Pill" I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me I think I took too much I'm crying here, what have you done? I thought it would be fun I can't stay on your life support, There's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, 'Cause it's making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again But she's being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, You keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill I haven't moved from the spot where you left me This must be a bad trip All of the other pills, they were different Maybe I should get some help I can't stay on your life support, There's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, 'Cause it's making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again But sh...

[Verse 1] They sat together in the park As the evening sky grew dark She looked at him and he felt a spark Tingle to his bones 'Twas then he felt alone And wished that he'd gone straight And watched out for a simple twist of fate [Verse 2] They walked alone by the old canal A little confused, I remember well And stopped into a strange hotel With a neon burning bright He felt the heat of the night Hit him like a freight train Moving with a simple twist of fate [Verse 3] A saxophone someplace far-off played As she was walking on by the arcade As the light bust through a beat-up shade Where he was wakin' up She dropped a coin into the cup Off of a blind man at the gate And forgot about a simple twist of fate [Verse 4] He woke up, the room was bare He didn't see her anywhere He told himself he didn't care Pushed the window open wide Felt an emptiness inside To which he just could not relate Brought on by a simple twist of fate [Verse 5] He hears the ticking of the c...

The sea is calm to-night. The tide is full, the moon lies fair Upon the straits; on the French coast the light Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand; Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay. Come to the window, sweet is the night-air! Only, from the long line of spray Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land, Listen! you hear the grating roar Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, At their return, up the high strand, Begin, and cease, and then again begin, With tremulous cadence slow, and bring The eternal note of sadness in. Sophocles long ago Heard it on the Agaean, and it brought Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow Of human misery; we Find also in the sound a thought, Hearing it by this distant northern sea. The Sea of Faith Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled. But now I only hear Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar, Retreating, to the breath Of the night-wind, down the vast edges ...

Writing a Love Letter If you have difficulties with someone in your life, you might spend some time alone and write that person a real letter. You can write the letter to someone you see every day or, just as effectively, to someone you haven’t seen for years, or even to someone who is no longer living. It is never too late to bring peace and healing into a relationship. Even if we longer see that person, we can reconcile inside ourselves, and the relationship can heal. Give yourself a couple of hours to write a letter using loving speech. While you write the letter, practice looking deeply into the nature of your relationship. Why has communication been difficult? Why has happiness not been possible? Here is an example: My dear, I know you have suffered a lot over the past many years. I have not been able to help you—in fact, I have made the situation worse. It is not my intention to make you suffer. Maybe I’m not skillful enough. Maybe I triedto impose my ideas on you. In the pa...

It is Sunday. I am going over some courses, some past YALP hand outs, some processing of pain and loss. I added my two pence on the moodle course discussion. I have lost that sense of centred silence, but I am meditating in the Buddhist tradition again. I have calmed down, after the anger comes the sadness and wishing things had been different. I decided to work on finding a place of non judgement for all the painful things that have recently happened to me. It is going to take a lot of work. I am now waiting for it to pass, for the heart to heal. It is a waiting game. To come to terms, to come to acceptance that this is how things are now. A part of me was shocked into realising that of course I could be hurt and heart broken all over again. of course I could be horribly mangled by love all over again. It is sad, but I will be in love, and I will be heart broken time and time again, there is no escape from this cycle, though perhaps some people will hurt us more than others. ...

Lyrics The love I lost Was a sweet love The love I lost Was complete love The love I lost I will never, no, no, never Love again, ooh I can remember planning Building my whole world around you I can remember hoping That you and I could make it on through But something went wrong We loved each other We just couldn't get along Take a good look at me I'm in misery, can't you see? The love I lost (the love, the love I lost) Was a sweet love (yes it was) The love I lost Was complete love The love I lost I will never, no, no, never (never, no never) Love again, ooh I can't remember nothing, no no no But the good times we used to share, my love I'm so sad and lonely Without you, my life is so dead I'm sorry to say You go your way and I'll go my way It hurts deep inside The day we said goodbye, but The love I lost (the love, the love I lost) Was a sweet love (yes it was) The love I lost Was complete love The love I lost, I will never, no, no, nev...

On Love When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge bec...

I had my first meeting with my YALP mentor, and decided I needed to get into all things YALP as a distraction from the raging pain inside my body. It would be good to bring the blog back to it's original theme, though heart break and disappointment are also a part of the spiritual life, as much as life itself. I was listening to a dharma talk this morning, and it reminded me how mistakes are the bleeding edge of life where we grow. Who knows why I need to tell the world these things, but it is the stuff that art is made out of. Art is the truth, and sometimes that truth is pain. I tend to find the more I blog, journal and write, the wiser I get, the clearer I see. I have a journal and a free writing book, and a blog. Nothing it seems is enough to contain my writing, it just keeps coming. I get a lot of insight, especially when I suffer. So to aid YALP return I am actually going to try and do the moodle tasks I have been allotted, and then go back over the good parts of th...

Some situations which cause pain or suffering are avoidable, so part of our learning must be to analyse the situation and see if this is such a case. If it is, we must try to prevent it happening again. But perhaps the most painful situations are those that are apparently beyond our control. Another part of our learning is to recognise that there is unfairness, uncertainty, fear, loneliness and hurt in this world; learning to accept that this is the nature of the world can, of itself, be painful. Initially we may be able to do little, bound up in an acute, self-centred pain. As we try to cope with the anger, the pain and grief that come through some unhappy experience, we can learn a lot about the less-well-articulated, darker sides of our personality. These darker aspects should not be ignored. Although we tend to equate evil with darkness, we should remember that in the plant world roots grow in the dark. Darkness (and shadows) are as much a part of the natural order as light. ...

The hurt to the heart goes so deep, it's always there. Get hurt too many times and sure, you might close down to love altogether.