End of Day 6 - Wilder gifts, Concerns, and Quaker Crisi

After the turmoil and the difficulties of the week, I had a very good day today. Apparently it was like I was a different person. I seemed to have just recovered from the mystery virus, and suddenly had the energy for a full days programme, and epilogue. I also moved forward from the place of feeling like I wasn't Quaker enough to be here, to realising that even someone who had only just started out at a meeting could join the course.

There was no such thing as not being Quaker enough. I made the shocking realisation that I have been involved with Quakerism for at least eight years. And I still haven't joined the society and become a full Quaker rather than an attender.

Post the day off, we had no free time. We went straight into a sessions about the gifts of the spirit, and finding our spiritual gifts. Members of the group felt it important to be aware that gifts can be impermanent (permanent gifts sometimes lead to hierarchies). Someone mentioned to me the difficult gift of telling the truth as you see it. I considered whether I had this difficult gift, at the moment, and perhaps struggle to use it well. A wild gift it is indeed, for it risks real conflict and anger arising, rather than 'peace'. 

We also discussed Quaker leaders, concerns, process of discernment, and finding your calling. There was a lot of information, probably too much to really relate at this time, though I am sure I will end up blogging about Quaker spiritual processes at some stage in this journey. 

In the afternoon we attended a four hour session on movement building and activism. This is where I really began to remember why I became involved in Quakerism and spirituality in the first place. I am not the only person to have a Quaker crisis, and I won't be the last. 

Quakers follow the form, the practise, not a doctrine, and its important to touch base with the fundamentals of an inward looking practise. These beliefs do go deep inside, and its good to realise there is a depth there to support anyone in times of crisis. I became a part of this because somewhere along the line I do really believe in something, though it is not always easy to say what that is. 

During the building movements workshop, I reconnected a lot to the conflicts I would have even from my teens which I can see how were signs I was going to go down this path in life. I could never accept cynicism, or that this was the only way society could be, or consensus morality, rather than actual morality. Even if in a few years I move on from Quakerism, I will probably always have the same kinds of values and the same kinds of beliefs. 

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