End of Day 6 - Projects and Reflections

In between all these workshops, there is the coffee breaks, where helpful conversations can happen. I seem to come out of myself and join the group, which is normal for my introverted self. I don't warm quickly to people, it happens slowly. In these conversations I found myself sharing more about where I am in life, and the difficult masters experience, and just where to go next.

I have this growing sense that perhaps academically that masters really wasn't the last word, that one day, not now, I might well attempt another degree. I probably would go in older, with more experience, knowing where to get support from, how to defend myself better, protect myself better, knowing my rights if I come to blows with someone else, knowing when to back off if I am not doing well or not coping, with a dissertation pretty much already written, if not partially researched, having read how to write an amazing dissertation, probably employ a body guard etc, and so forth, before going near another institution.

Or perhaps bypass the institution altogether and do a dissertation completely without that sort of input.

At least, if I never do another degree, I have to accept myself as a thinking person. I once said quite openly I no longer liked being called academic, after two traumatic experiences of academia, but I can't escape it as a part of me, I am beginning to realise. It is trying to use what skills I have to make it in the normal world, now, and see if perhaps research and or teaching away from academia could suit me better. I will think, and I will wonder about the nature of why things are the way they are, I really don't have a choice in the matter. I can either try and suppress that tendency or try and find an alternative to academia.

On this course I am currently on, we have the opportunity to do a spirit lead project. This is something we talked about after dinner. As I have slowly warmed up to this week, the idea of a project has become more appealing. You can not fail it, and it is not graded. I figure this could be a wonderful opportunity for self expression which just wouldn't happen in a university. A chance to create something beautiful, perhaps.

Past projects have included writing a poetry book, reflecting on Quaker practice in training to be a teacher, joining a young spiritual friendship group, and saying yes to everything and not holding back in life. In the last project the individual ended up doing some amazing travelling and found a job, so, that could be a potential project...

Well it is getting late. There is a lot more to process and think about, but all exciting and interesting and Quakerly.

Tomorrow is Quiet Day, a time for more spiritual reflections and silence. The challenge of speaking very little awaits..