The Wilder Gifts of the Spirit

Whilst sleeping, I dreamt I was walking around the 'institution', with the academics, and the academic (oh no, hate dreams about him), feeling sort of threatened and strange. I found a swimming pool and tried to jump in, but I get kicked out by the cleaner. I woke up did my morning pages, and went back to sleep. Then I dreamt about jumping into that pool and swimming around and glowing with happiness like this was some sort of heaven. My brain got confused about when it had to breath, confused between the fact that I held my breath in the dream, but in real life, I am sleeping on dry land. I had to hold my breath for a long time, and suddenly woke up gasping. I went to sleep again, and had another heavenly swimming dream. I guess it pays to do the morning pages. 

As I have rather tongue and cheek mentioned the Old Testament God, I thought I better add this link to an interesting Quaker blog which talks about violence and religion (in a much more serious way). I had a few thoughts about the post, but I will share another time. http://aquakerstew.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/r-is-for-rene-girard-human-violence-and.html?m=1

It wasn't such a productive day, as yesterday. I have YALP moodle tasks I need to attend to. When life gets me down, I try to remember I have YALP for a year, and at some stage I will have an excuse to go off and do a 'spirit lead' project (one idea a book), and this is ultimately very much cooler than doing a dissertation or anything else. I have given up on the Artist's Way for the evening. It is a lot just to remember to write three pages every morning. It seems like so much. I prefer an amble through some random exercise about my childhood in the journalling book, perhaps I should go back, or is there no turning back now?  There probably is no turning back.  I like this idea that creativity for is for the good of humanity, that your creativity is a spark of God's creativity. Having the almighty on your side (perhaps the old testament version) more or less crushes all opposition from friend's, family, society, or yourself.   Bring it on!

The book does warn you it can bring powerful emotions up. It wasn't joking. I have hardly begun, I only did the morning pages, and 'hello rage'. I am sure that is about a lot of things, not just creative unblocking. Certainly when the first chapter started talking about friends and families blocking artistic dreams, telling you to be sensible etc, I recognised with that. And I have met a lot of people where that has been the case. I think a lucky few get encouraged to become something like an artist or an academic, everyone else is pushed towards something 'safer'. Doing a masters was a way of pushing against all that, to have a shot at not being a shadow anything. I guess that is important. An important statement of self identity. It didn't work it, but I didn't give up on the dream either, though apparently academic writing makes little impact. I wanted it more than anything, and one day it happened. Writer's are famous for starving. It is defin...